


counting days, waiting for change

by whatareuanacorn



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slow Build, idk how to tag this, jenna still likes him, josh is some rebellious depressed kid who disappears a lot and hides his insecurities with change, just bare with me, tyler and jenna were dating but broke up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-08-07 11:52:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7713889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatareuanacorn/pseuds/whatareuanacorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>joshua dun doesn't really know who he is anymore, and he wants to die.<br/>"this is just me. this is who i am. no one can change it. not anymore. let me go."</p><p>tyler joseph is only getting worse. he finds himself on a roof.<br/>"sorry is a word said too much. but i am sorry. people think i'm free but i'm not. my own body and minds waging war on me."</p><p>josh and tyler meet on the roof.<br/>together they become who they always have been. </p><p>"i think you're everything i've ever needed, tyler, i've never known what it's like to live for someone." </p><p>"your words are yellow, josh. and sometimes they cover me in flowers, but sometimes they paint me black and blue."<br/>---</p><p>lower case intended coz i'm lazy<br/>loosely based off all the bright places coz it hurts me</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. days one to three

-joshua-  
day one - looking down  
  
many people would say a fear of heights only settles in when you look down, but i'm looking down and i'm not scared.  
i don't fear anything anymore.  
except for myself. i fear myself.  
  
i look down.  
people are watching me.  
of course people are watching me, i'm stood on the edge of the school tower block.  
there's laughing. evil grins. i can't hear them but i know what they're saying.  
'freak show.'  
'joshua freak show dun.'  
'josh the psychopath.'  
i guess they aren't wrong.  
  
suddenly, the smiles are disappearing off their faces.  
i can hear footsteps behind me.  
'grab me and i'm gone.' i say, not turning round,  
'i-i wasn't... what are you- oh my god, can they see me?' a small voice says, and i turn round to see a face i recognise. tyler joseph. the popular kid from my english class.  
'yes, they can see you.' i roll my eyes,  
'i-i cant- they can't-'  
'woah, calm down. if you didn't want people seeing you, you probably shouldn't choose a school building to jump off of.'  
'i wasn't-'  
'save it. now, i'm gonna do you a favour, put your hands out, make it look like you're trying to reason with me.'  
'n-no, i want to-'  
'no, tyler. you don't want to kill yourself.'  
'i do.'  
i think for a second. i can't argue with that. because i do too.  
'you don't want to jump. its messy. your blood will cover the people closest. and the people closest just happen to be your friends and your girlfriend.'  
'she's not my girlfriend.'  
'whatever. do you want me to help you or not.'  
'i want to die.'  
'i'm not going to let you. do as i tell you, yeah?'  
'okay.'  
'good. edge towards me slowly, make it look like you're being cautious.'  
'tyler?! oh my god, tyler, what's going on?!' jenna, tyler's not girlfriend shouts up at them,  
'grab my hands and pull me down, then shout for her to get the counsellor.'  
'are you sure?'  
'i can deal with a few extra sessions with gee.'  
'okay.' tyler whispers, lurching forward and grabbing my hands,  
'jenna! go get mr way!' he shouts and i turn slightly to see her running into the building,  
'sit next to me. act like you're talking me down.' i say softly and he sits down, his hand is still gripping mine. 'have you told anyone how you feel?'  
'no.'  
'then you're gonna have me checking up on you.'  
'why?'  
'you're not dying on my watch.'  
'you were going to.'  
'nah, i just like the view.'  
'i think you're crazy.'  
'you know it, baby.'  
'i still want to die.'  
'i know. you're not going to, though.'  
'you don't know me. why do you care?'  
'i don't. but if you die and i'm the only one who knows you wanted to, thats not fair on me.'  
'i don't-' hes cut off by someone running onto the roof,  
'joshua dun, i could have guessed it was you. what the hell were you thinking?!' mr way shouts,  
'i was thinking the school overlooks a nice horizon.'  
'come on. my office. mr joseph, what are you doing here?'  
'i, uh, i-' i nudge him gently, 'i got him down.'  
'you- tyler, thats very brave.'  
'i should, um, i should go. t-talk to me sometime, dun. let me know how you're doing.'  
'will do, joseph.' and with that he's standing up on shaking legs and rushing off.  
'i can't believe you, josh. don't you see the people who care about you?'  
'everyone down there was looking up and laughing at me.'  
'people don't know what to do with fear.'  
'tell me about it.' i laugh and he sighs,  
'come to my office, joshua. we need to talk.'  
  
'its the fifth day back and you've already been caught on the roof. lets not forget the fact that you didn't come into school a total of 46 days last term. 22 of which were consecutive before the term ended.'  
'i get sick easy, gerard.'  
'thats mr way to you. do you get sick, joshua, or depressed?'  
'i get sick.'  
'physically?'  
'yes.'  
'why were you trying to kill yourself?'  
'i wasn't. the view is nice.'  
'josh, theres something you need to understand, i have responsibility of you right now. whilst we still have sessions, i am responsible for you and your wellbeing, so if you kill yourself, i lose everything. thats something suicidal people don't think about. others.' he explains and josh sighs,  
'now you're just being selfish.'  
'suicide is selfish, josh.'  
'tell me that when i am suicidal.' i snap before getting up and storming out.  
  
i walk into english half an hour late and everyones eyes immediately land on me.  
'joshua dun, how nice of you to join us. please, find a partner and take a seat. i'm setting an assignment.'  
'a partner?' i ask and look around the room, noticing people have moved around to sit with their chosen partner. 'i choose tyler.'  
  
-tyler-  
day one - joshua dun  
  
'i choose tyler.'  
my head snaps up and i stare at josh, who is grinning at me.  
'i'm not doing it.' i mutter,  
'mr joseph, i think you should take part in this assignment.'  
'no, please sir, let me do something else.'  
'tyler, this will be good for you. i'm sorry, but you're not getting out of this.'  
and with that, josh sits down next to me and grins again. i sigh and cross my arms on the desk before dropping my head down onto them, listening to what mr stump is saying.  
'i want you to go somewhere. somewhere you've never been. you can go to as many places as you like but you have to write about it, whether that's documentation, or creating a story. just travel and write. i want you to see new places before you graduate.  
travel.  
i can't do that.  
  
'so, where do you think we should go?' josh asks and i sigh,  
'i can't.'  
'look... i know you have anxiety, and i know things have really gone downhill for you this past year, but i also know you're losing everything because you keep using your circumstances to get out of things.'  
'if i do this with you, will you leave me alone?'  
'sure.' he smiles,  
'alright then.'  
'good. i lie a lot though, just so you know.' he smirks and i sigh,  
'so you wont leave me alone?'  
'you don't want me to. not really.'  
  
-joshua-  
day three - rules  
  
joshua dun's rules for adventuring for tyler joseph  
1\. smile. you aren't allowed to be miserable.  
2\. don't plan too far ahead. let things fall into place.  
3\. talk to me.  
4\. we are allowed to slow down. don't overwork yourself.  
  
-tyler-  
day three - dear josh  
  
dear josh, i can't believe you left rules in my locker.  
i have some additions:  
5\. we turn back the second it gets dark.  
6\. never split up.  
7\. don't ask me questions.  
that's it. see you soon.  
  
i slip the note into the elders locker and rush off without looking back.


	2. day five

-joshua-  
day five - plans

i open my front door and grin at tyler who is stood with his head down and his hands in his pockets,   
'hey!' i chirp and i looks up at my through his lashes, cocking an eyebrow,   
'someone's effervescent.'   
'effer-what?'  
'effervescent. lively.'  
'oh. do you like big words?' i ask, standing to the side so he can step into my house,  
'yeah, i guess.' he shrugs, toeing off his shoes,   
'good. because me and mr stump decided you're writing everything.'   
'what? no, i haven't written properly since... nevermind.'   
'since what? we just thought it would be good for you. you write our adventures so i'm able to be hyper aware or you and our wanders. we thought it would be easier on your anxiety.' i frown at him, watching his face carefully,  
'okay. fine.'   
'hey, if it's gonna trig-'  
'no. i'm fine.'  
'alright. come on up to my room and we can start planning.' 

i look down at the notes and plans i've made so far.   
i think there's only one thing left to ask.  
'is there anywhere you downright refuse to go?' i ask and tyler's head snaps up.

-tyler-  
day five - not ready

'is there anywhere you downright refuse to go?'  
my body tenses up.  
'yeah, actually, um, i... heights. i can't do heights.'   
'can i ask why?'   
'because it makes me lose control, in a way. my mind takes over.' _jump, jump, jump, it tells me,_ but i don't tell him this.  
'okay, we'll save that till last then.'   
'why did you ask if you're not going to respect it!?' i exclaim,   
'i'm going to help you, tyler. trust me.'   
'i don't trust anyone.'   
'me neither, maybe that balances out and puts trust between us.' he smirks and it takes me a few seconds to draw my eyes away from his lips,   
'that isn't how it works.'   
'probably not but we can try.' he grins, 'anyway, we're done.'   
'so can i go?'  
'well, yeah, if you really hate spending time with me that much.'   
'i don't know you.'   
'get to know me then.'   
'what's your favourite colour?'   
'red but you can do better than that.'  
'i actually learn a lot about people using colours and other simple facts.'   
'you won't with me.' he shrugs and i sigh before looking him dead in the eyes,  
'why were you on the roof?'   
'i like the view. why were you on the roof?'   
'i don't know. my legs just kept walking after my brain said stop. what are the post-it notes for?'  
'have a look if you want. none of it's private so to speak.' he shrugs and i stand up and walk over to the wall that is covered in post-it notes.   
every note has a word or phrase scrawled onto it. my eyes are drawn to a few.

  
**you make me blue** **  
****forgiveness  
****nimble fingers and stuttered words  
****forgotten**  
**broken people can't fix broken people**  
 **brevity**  
 **catharsis**  
 **nyctophobic nyctophyliac**

'i think i like your brain.' i say quietly, turning to look at him,   
'why thank you, tyler joseph.'   
'what's it all about?'  
'words i like. things that mean something. i don't know.'   
'you want me to get to know you, will you answer honestly if i ask about singular notes?'   
'i'm nothing but honest, mr joseph.'   
'brevity?'   
'the brevity of human life. i'm assuming you know what brevity means.'   
'yes. i don't know what nyctophobic nyctophyliac means though.'  
'nycto means night. i adore darkness but i fear it as well.' he shrugs,  
'ironic. like an anxious extrovert. you're an anxious extrovert.' i think out loud and josh laughs softly,   
'true.'  
'catharsis is my favourite word.' i say, turning round and walking back over to his bed,   
'is it?'  
'yeah.' i nod, sitting down next to him and resting my hands in my lap,   
'can i ask you something?' he asks softly and i nod,   
'how come you went from being this hugely popular jock to pushing everyone who loves you away and becoming this secluded, anxious shell of a person.'   
'things happened.' i whisper, 'things changed and i didn't know how to deal with it. i'm more me than i've ever been.'   
'so you're saying your true self is a suicidal introvert.'  
'i don't know.' i breathe, barely audible.   
'i know you don't.' josh sighs, 'but please let me help.'  
'broken people can't fix broken people. you wrote that yourself.'   
'don't believe every word i say.'  
'you just told me you're nothing but honestly.'  
'you'll get used to it.' he shrugs, and deep down, i think i want to.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm probably gonna spit the first couple of chapters out and then it will slow down a bit


End file.
